How To Tell If You Are Into Serial Online Dating

Have you been playing around with online dating services for a while now? Do you find that you are more interested in meeting lots of potential partners than finding the right one? Do you use a few different free online dating sites because you just can't get enough? Do you have a couple of different portfolios with a couple of different names? If you answered yes to any of these questions you may well be a serial online dater. To be honest, it is nothing new - serial online dating is just an old, well known phenomenon that has caught up with technology. Because as long as people have around, there have always been some who value the thrill of the chase more than the actual catch themselves. On line dating is a great way to meet a lot of people, there is no getting around that. You can meet literally thousands of people, and if you really want to you can re-create yourself for each and every one. And you can even justify it, can't you? Of course you aren't lying! You are simply emphasising different aspects of your personality. To be honest, for most people, serial online dating doesn't progress that far. It can simply be that you do enjoy having lots of casual online dates, and maybe you are not even interested in ever meeting people offline. If they want to and they push it, it's too easy to give them the flick because you have so many more waiting in the wings!

How Does It Happen?

If you are a serial online dater, you probably started out just like anyone else - you used free online dating sites because you genuinely wanted to meet a special someone and on line dating seemed to be the way to go. How did you end up an addict? An on line dating junkie! Free online sites can be a great ego boost. You put up a profile with a couple of flattering photos, and before you know it, dozens of guys or girls are getting in touch, wanting to get to know you. Anyone would be flattered, and this validation of you as an individual can become addictive. Particularly if your self esteem is a little low, or if you have been single for a while, it feels so good to feel wanted by a lot of people that it can be hard to give it up for just one person. The other beauty of serial online dating is that there is little risk. You are in control. You are no investing much emotional input into each individual you converse with because you have so many to choose from. The thought of seeking a real relationship can then become daunting. There is real emotional investment in getting to know one person well - and there is real risk if it doesn't work out. Serial dating is starting to sound better and better, isn't it! Why would anyone do anything else? Because over the long time, the rewards are low! You aren't going to find someone who will feed you chicken broth when you have the flu, or who you take vacations with, or who might one day share your home and your mortgage! If you are only meeting online, you aren't even going to get laid. You get easy, low value emotional boost that will probably leave you feeling empty as soon as you shut down your computer. Do these people really care about you? Do they even know you?

Kicking the Habit

It may sound harsh, but the biggest favour you can do yourself is to give up online dating services altogether. Yep, go cold turkey. It doesn't have to be forever - maybe just for a few months. But you need this total break and a bit of time to get some perspective. Start seeing more of your friends, or get out and meet a few people in the old fashioned, face to face way - through a book club, rock climbing, a church group, or through any other interest. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Build your self esteem in a more genuine, honest way and you will feel the difference. Re-think what you want out of a relationship - I can just about guarantee that the way you were abusing online dating services as a serial user wasn't giving it to you. When you feel better about yourself as an individual and you have re-evaluated what you want out of a relationship, set yourself some ground rules before you re-enter free online dating services. You could choose to limit the number of hours per week you spend on the sites, you could limit yourself to a single portfolio on the one site, and work out some criteria to be more selective about who you even bother to engage with! Ask yourself whether this person really does seem compatible with you and with what both of you are looking for before taking any further steps.

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